BERRIEN SPRINGS, MI – Local pastor Robert Eyer declared himself to be “unequally yoked” with his wife Denise after she revealed plans to leave her nursing career after 15 years to pursue her dream Read more […]
A plane full of teetotaling Seventh-day Adventists returning from an extreme church building mission trip in the Dominican Republic was assumed to be carrying a rowdy bunch of alcoholics by the Read more […]
1. The Cult Crusader: “Wait, Seventh-day Adventist? Isn’t that a cult?” They immediately start searching for the nearest exit, fearing you might try to indoctrinate them into your secret society Read more […]
In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: “Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!” Yes, you read that right. A billion. VHS tapes. Apparently, Read more […]
Pastor Jeb was known for his long-winded baptismal services at the Dry Gulch Adventist Church. Whenever he baptized someone, Jeb liked to add his own personal flair by delivering an extended benediction Read more […]
Forget the same-old Sabbath outfit, BarelyAdventist bros! It’s time to ditch the yawn-inducing threads and embrace something that’ll have you looking sharp and feeling comfortable all service long. Read more […]
In a controversial move aimed at combating disengaged congregants, the Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has instituted a new policy allowing pastors to publicly call out any members Read more […]
Hi there, fellow Adventists! This is Sevvy, the somewhat eccentric but always entertaining founder and main word-slinger of BarelyAdventist. Let’s be real, folks – these days, it seems like Read more […]
Elias Uprighteous, the self-proclaimed guardian of biblical orthodoxy, found himself embroiled in a marital showdown when his wife, Rebecca, dared to question his divine authority to purchase a Read more […]
“Brethren, after much prayer, we have instituted a new fundamental belief: ‘Raffles Are No Longer Gambling if You Call Them “Opportunity Draws,'” announced Ufe Mista, the General Conference Director Read more […]
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