Monday, October 13, 2025
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Adventist paranoia

When Obedience Becomes Fear: Untangling Faith from Anxiety

If you grew up Adventist, obedience often came packaged with a side of anxiety. Did I say the right thing in Sabbath School? Did I pray correctly before dinner? Did I avoid...
Remnant Complex

What If the Remnant Isn’t a People, but a Posture?

We’ve spent generations trying to define the remnant. Who’s in. Who’s out. Who has the “truth.” But what if we’ve been asking the wrong question? What if the remnant isn’t a group...
Uncategorized

How Ready Are You for the Time of Trouble? (Take This Quiz to Find Out!)

So you’ve heard about the Time of Trouble your whole life. The hiding in the mountains, the food shortages, the “only the faithful will stand” drama. But let’s be real—are you...
Preaching

Dear Adventist Clock Watchers: We See You

We see you. Every Sabbath. You think you’re being subtle, but no. Your eyes flick up to the wall clock like it owes you...
General Conference

GC Announces Heavenly Visa Program

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a surprise press release this morning, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists announced that it will now be the...
Loma Linda University

Loma Linda School of Religion Announces Cranial Credentialing

LOMA LINDA, CA—The Loma Linda University School of Religion has announced a groundbreaking new credentialing requirement for all students and faculty. The new mandate, which...
Church Life

Church Wi-Fi Now Filters Out Sites Without Ellen White Citations

SILICON VALLEY, Calif. — Adventist tech volunteers across North America unveiled a cutting-edge church Wi-Fi filter this Sabbath that blocks access to any website...

Adventist Culture

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National Guard Deployed to Berrien Springs To “End Cow Tipping Forever”

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This week, over 200 National Guard troops took up...

Will Erton Köhler Actually Change the Church? #notsatire

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Look, we're all watching. We’ve seen the leadership change...

Pastor Hopes End Times Sermon Prompts Latter Rain of Donations

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SPRINKLES, Tenn. (AP)—In a bold sermon this past Sabbath,...

Local Adventist Church Wants to Know If They Can Use Taylor Swift’s Engagement Flower Leftovers This Sabbath

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LEE'S SUMMIT, Mo. – In a move lauded by...

Adventist Food

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La Sierra Releases Updated Version of ‘The Great Controversy’ Titled ‘The Great Deconstruction’

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RIVERSIDE, CA—In an unprecedented move sending shockwaves through denominational...

Survey: Adventists Love Nothing More Than Being Right

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A newly leaked survey from the Self-Accredited Center for...

Doug Batchelor: “They Came for the Barrel—Next They’ll Come for the Sabbath”

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SACRAMENTO, CA — In an unscheduled live broadcast from...

New GC Voting Devices Ensure Holy Spirit Always Backs Majority Vote

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In a stunning display of divine guidance and technological...

Sabbath Observance

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What if Joy Was Our Doctrine?

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Imagine if, instead of trying to prove who’s right,...

The Unspoken Class Divide in Adventism

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You can usually spot it before the opening hymn...

When God Doesn’t Fit in Your 28 Beliefs

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You know that moment when you realize the universe...

Your Local Church AV Guy Wins Nobel Peace Prize… for Finally Figuring Out What Was Causing the Feedback

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In a historic first, the quiet genius behind the...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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